Feelings and Emotions in the Context of Shame

Feelings and Emotions in the Context of Shame

Thoughts
Feelings and Emotions and Moods, Oh My!   Is there a difference, or can we use whichever word we want?   Well, of course you can do what you like, but there are differences between these words.   The Effect of Affect   It all begins with affect. Nope, not effect...affect. Now, you may have some bad grammar experiences being called to mind right now. There's a place for that, but I'm not talking about the difference between effect and affect. I'm talking about a biological response to a situation that results in an emotional state. An affect, according to Donald Nathanson, is the biological side of a feeling. It's a feeling before you realize that it's a feeling.   Feelings...Nothing More Than Feelings   When you become aware of…
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Wearing Masks

Wearing Masks

Thoughts
TL/DR: The issue of wearing masks is not a matter of the head but of the heart.   What if the ongoing debates about masks aren't about individual freedoms? What if they have more to do with the human desire to escape shame and powerlessness? Think about it. What does a mask signify? It’s a symbol of vulnerability. It signals to ourselves and others that we have no control over life. A mask tells a story of sickness and frailty and how humans are, well, human.   What do most people want to be free from? Being controlled? I’m suggesting that we all want to be free from emotional distress. And a sense of control is a sure fire way to escape the distress of being powerless.   Life has…
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Hurt and Shame in James 4

Hurt and Shame in James 4

Growth
"Hurt People hurt people." You may have heard it before, but why is it true? Chip Dodd explains this in a modified view of the trauma triangle:   The trauma triangle is an observable reality in most human experience. It's easy to remember in the form of a short story. A victim of trauma denies their own needs and ends up coping by harming another person. This creates a new victim.   Let's add characters:   Joe is a victim. He grew up being shamed by his mother. He has grown to believe that "being needy" is bad. His needs inconvenience people (namely his mother). He lives life bottling up his needs. He never expresses them to people — yet hopes that they will sense, know, and respond to his…
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All This Talk About Shame

All This Talk About Shame

Growth
But what is shame? It's has gotten a good deal of press lately. But there's a problem. We don't know what it is. Well, to be more precise, we don't know how to be ... well, precise. The main problem is our language. I don't mean the language we use about shame. I literally mean the English language! You see, shame is more than one thing. For starters, it's is a feeling. My kids call it "feeling embarrassed." And that makes sense. We often experience shame when we're embarrassed about something we said or did. This is especially true when we ask ourselves, "So, is there something wrong with me?" That question often evokes other feelings. We don't like coming face to face with our limitations and weaknesses. So, we…
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